New home, Berlin
Hey beutiful friends and enemies~
There is always this one time in life (or more haha) when you just have to finally choose what you are going to do later on. And I am right now in this kind of situation. Choosing my own way is something exciting, thrilling but actually very scaring as well. I know that every decision can be redone but actually it is something that will leave a mark on the plane piece of paper called your life.
I never thought I could feel this insecure about life and about living far from my home. I just recently noticed that coming out of the comfort zone is way harder than it seems. I always tried to push all my friends out of their comfort circle but now that life does the same with me I see how amazing they are to have made it throw all the hardships that I am facing for the first time right now.
It might be my trust issues I have with new people or just the fact that my character is not the typical “I am oh such a nice person” one but I feel how far from my true self I am acting here. It is not that I would be faking any emotions or being strange… Maybe I’ve just changed as time went by. Or maybe I can’t unfold myself with the people I met here.
Another thing that bothers me a lot is music. I grew up with having music everywhere around me and always doing music. When someone was asked to say the first word that comes to mind after hearing my name it always been music and I was proud of that, but how much longer will I be able to have music around? It is not something that ever will disappear it is just my own realization that I won’t be able or better I don’t even want to make music to my work.
How have you been able to choose the right way? Is there even a right way? Maybe you have to listen to your head sometimes more than to your heart? Or am I wrong? There are almost no such times in life I feel doubtful but this time I just want to make the perfect choice and the pressure of doing it right freaks with my head.
Nerveless I am damn thankful for having such good friends, family and the right of choosing how I want my life to turn out- what I want to do in life.
I almost wrote a novel here.. Haha.. But this time I felt as if I was speaking about things that are in every person’s mind who is in his/her early 20ties.
And for now